The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
