I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize