Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
