thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
