that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
