just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
