I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
