your parents love me but you hate me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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