Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
