Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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