dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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