I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
