this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
