Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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