She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
