she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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