Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
