I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
