I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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