Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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