Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
