Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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