We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize