first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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