No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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