Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize