Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
