I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm both gender and math confused
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
