dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
