i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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