Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
