Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
