She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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