Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
