Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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