I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am spending my child support on dildos
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
