He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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