he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
