Your mouth is God's brothel.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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