I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
