Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
