I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize