hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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