i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
