I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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