I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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