Will you blow on my dice?
Sponge bath it is.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
