Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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