The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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