I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
