Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
