I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
