He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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