Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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