I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
