something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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