haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize