im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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