is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize