The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
