They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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