i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They took my balls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
