yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize