If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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