You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
