The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
