who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
