conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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