I need help removing her.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
