I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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