when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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