PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
only you would photoshop your dick
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
