I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
