I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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