I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
