i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
