Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
