Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
