In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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