it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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