You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
