OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize