Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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