there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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