'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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