So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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